I finally know..

that i am not as tough as some people think i am
that i am not as jovial as many peple think i am
that my patients are running out
that i always cry
that i am becoming another person
that i lost some of my very own attitudes
that i look at my life differently now
that i dont have many close friends
that i became anti social
that i like to be on my own
that i have changed
that i actually put him as priority
that his friends are more important than me, and i am almost nothing to him..

and all this new discoveries makes me upset, depress and emotional..

its fight or flight..

i cannot take this longer..
i cannot cry over night like last time, and think that everything will be fine
i cannot give in anymore

i need to be strong again
i need not to rely on people
i need not give in so much
i need not put so much effort in to things that do not aprreciate me
i need not...

i take care of people, when i need to be taken care of, almost nobody shows up
i be truely good to people, when i am depress, he rather not turn up
i smile at people sincerely, people smiles at me, i doubt their sincerity..

the world is evolving, changing.. so are the people living in this world

all these are inevitable, unavoidable, uncontrolable..
I FINALLY KNOW that the strongest survives, and if you are not one of them,

u die........